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January 19th, 2017

O Worship the Pope!

If you haven’t yet chosen the blog Eccles Is Saved as one of your favourites, as I have suggested you should, you will have missed this post. Warning: depending on your temperament, the video may induce intense anger, a strong desire to vomit, or a fit of howling maniacal laughter.

We strongly recommend this video by Emily Clarke, which has been produced in honour of Pope Francis, due to visit Ireland next year in order to see whether there are any Catholics remaining there. It shows the best of modern Catholicism, pushing aside Jesus Christ in favour of an unqualified adoration of the Holy Father. According to the lyrics, “The Lord kept his promise to us and sent us a treasure to see us safely home.” This treasure being, er, the pope.

Papa Francis 1

Shine, Francis, Shine!

Of course the pope, being a humble and modest man, has angrily written to sister Emily to tell her to delete her video, which anyone but the most arrogant of people would find rather embarrassing. Luckily we still have some screen captures to see us safely home.

Papa Francis 2

A quick change of dress mid-song, and we pose in front of the Tabernacle.

Actually, dear Emily may not have changed her dress in the middle of the song; it may be a trick of the light, like that ambiguous dress which, according to the Daily Mail, has “baffled the Internet” because nobody is sure what colour it really is. And nobody really cares.

Papa Francis 3

The first ascent of the north face without ropes. And another change of dress.

According to the song, the pope was chosen by God, as a leader for our times. Well, it was either God or the St Gallen Mafia, and we still haven’t sorted out all the contradictions in the apostolic exhortation Austenis Iveria. But let’s be charitable and suppose that the Holy Spirit spoke through Cormac Murphy-O’Connor when Francis was chosen.

Papa Francis 4

Very dignified. Very tasteful. Oh, and the dress – what there is of it – is red.

Well, thank you very much, Emily. We’ll let you know.

For those whose collection of Pope St Francis memorabilia is still not complete, we have another exhibit.

Santo sùbito! A miraculous medal.

Well, that’s enough papalistic adoration for now. In fact, the medal I was given says “Insult us” on the back, and that does seem to be a more likely prospect.

However, we can report that the crisis involving the Knights of Malta seems to have been resolved. You will recall that it had reached an impasse, with the conversation reduced to “You have no authority to judge us.” “Oh, yes we have!” “Oh no, you haven’t!” etc. Finally, following my personal intervention, we have a solution.

pope squares up to Fra' Matthew Festing

Pope Francis and Fra’ Matthew Festing decide to settle things by sumo wrestling.

One comment

  1. Fra’ Matthew Festing, the head of the Knights of Malta, was in Dublin recently to profess a Knight of Magistral Grace (the first since the Middle Ages). Whenever the script said ‘Holy Spirit’, Fra’ Matthew substituted ‘Holy Ghost’. He’s probably suggesting that to Pope Francis…

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