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February 2nd, 2016

Meet the Real-Life Cat Woman

The columnist Peter Simple of the Daily Telegraph used to muse that whenever he invented a particularly outlandish absurdity someone, somewhere would propose the same nonsense in all seriousness. I’m not in the same league (nowhere near) as the great Peter Simple, but now I know from experience exactly what he meant.

Let Hibernicus of the Irish Catholics Forum explain:

Stramentarius  recently wrote a satirical piece on his blog recalling how when he was a child he wanted to be a cat, and how the growing acceptance of transexualism suggests he might now achieve his ambition by fitting himself out with a tail and whiskers and demanding to be accepted in his own self-image. Stramentarius should have realised that  satire is a dangerous business, because the apparently absurd may be seriously propounded.

And now that’s exactly what’s happened! This is what Hibernicus found on the on-line version of the Daily Telegraph:

We probably all feel a bit like a sleepy housecat when we have to get up for work in the morning. This Norwegian woman has taken that feeling to the next level. Nano claims she realised she was a cat when she was 16 years old, and has adopted feline mannerisms since.

The 20-year-old has opened up about her life as a puss, describing how she has a superior sense of hearing and sight which allows her to hunt mice in the dark.

She made the revelation in a YouTube video, which has been viewed over 100,000 times.

Nano claims to possess many feline characteristics including a hatred of water and the ability to communicate simply by meowing.

The young woman shows off her cat characteristics by wearing fake ears and an artificial tail.

‘I realised I was a cat when I was 16 when doctors and psychologists found out what was “the thing” with me. Under my birth there was a genetic defect,’ she explains in the video.

As they walked through Oslo’s central station, the presenter asked Nano what she could hear and see that a normal person might not.

‘Suitcases rolling on the ground,’ she says, ‘Keys clinking in pockets. People with ice under their shoes.’

 

Then all of a sudden, she lets out a hiss and takes a step back.

‘There is a dog over there,’ she explains. ‘Sometime I hiss when meeting dogs in the street. It’s because of their behaviour and my instinct automatically reacts by hissing.’

The cat woman wears a pair of pink fluffy paws with which to groom herself, and feels especially like doing so when she is in contact with water.

When asked if she was born as the wrong species, she said: ‘Yes, born in the wrong species.’

Nano prefers to crawl around on her hands and knees, and paws at windows when she wants to go outside.

She also said, despite their size, she can sleep in the sink and on windowsills.

‘It’s also obvious that I’m a cat when I start purring and meowing,’ she explains. ‘And walking around on four legs and stuff like that.’

 The cat also claims to have night vision – but has never caught a mouse.

‘I can see better in the dark than in daylight. That’s no problem,’ she says. ‘I have been running a lot after animals that can be seen in the shadows.’

She has a friend called Sven, who has a cat personality.

They meow at each other in the park.

‘He has something called “personalities” and one of them is a cat,’ she says. ‘He is human but has someone in his head that is a cat, and I am born as a cat.’.

 

 

The young woman said her life as a cat was ‘exhausting’ but she doesn’t want to live as a human.

‘My psychologist told me I can grow out of it, but I doubt it,’ she concludes. ‘I think I will be a cat all my life.’

Sorry about the sloppy appearance of this piece, but  try as I may I can’t sort it out.

 

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